How it all began
by strawberrycheese1990
Summary: AU: Maddie and Linden are together, but how did it all start. Take a look and see. Maddie/Linden.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: ok so this is a multi-chap fic. Its mainly all written but just needs typing up. It's a Maddie/ Linden pairing because they really should have got together. Hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: Holby city and all it characters belong to the BBC. I'm afraid I don't own any of it. **

'ARGGHH!' Could anything else go wrong? It was only 9am but a very stressed out Maddie Young was making her way to AAU. To say that she had not had a very good start to the morning was a bit of an understatement and she knew that it was only going to get worse. Arriving t work half an hour late doesn't really bode well for the day ahead.

Sneaking through the double doors she prayed that he would be occupied and not notice her, but no such luck.

'Dr Young you're late.'

"Shit" she thought. 'Sorry Mr Cullen it won't happen again.'

'Is there any reason.' God she hated this Linden, this part of him that was the ultimate professional. She knew he had many different sides to him but out of all of them this was the side she disliked the most. Not in the mood for it she snapped.

'No there is no reason, except for the fact that it is your entire bloody fault that I'm late.' With that the young doctor went to walk straight past, aiming to go to the other side of the ward hoping Linden wouldn't follow, but again no such luck. He gently grabbed her arm and guided her into the office.

'Oh and why is that Dr Young.' He replied once they were safely ensconced in the small room.

'Why oh I'll tell you why. I woke up late because I couldn't sleep last night as you weren't with me. And before you say anything I know it was my idea to spend at least one night a week away from each other, but it's your fault that you so damn loveable. That I couldn't sleep cause I missed you. Then when I did finally wake up, I had no clothes to wear as they are all at your house. I didn't have breakfast because everything in my house is in various stages of mould growth because I haven't eaten or spent any length of time in my flat recently.

So I was late, hungry had to come to work in my PJ's so I could change into my spare set from my locker which I then proceed to spill coffee down, so know I have a stain. And most importantly you have yet to kiss me today. So see it's all your fault.'

Linden couldn't help it he had to laugh, even though he tired to stifle it, it didn't work.

'It's not funny!'

'No no I know it's not but you just looked so cute and unbelievably sexy when you get riled up. How about I try and make it up to you.'

'You could, but I'll tell you now it's not going to be easy. So what do you have in mind?'

'Well,' Linden looked around to make sure no-one was looking in and then bent his head, cupped her cheek bringing her body close to his. His lips then ghosted over hers for a couple of times, and then slowly increasing the pressure. His tongue gently traced her bottom lip, begging for permission, which she gave enthusiastically. His tongue gently slid into her open mouth. The taste of each other was familiar but oh so exciting.

'Did that make up for my grave error.'

'Well it's a start.' Linden chuckled.

'Well I think it's about time I give you these.' At this he moved away causing their entwined hands to part. Going to his desk he unlocked the third draw and out an envelope which he silently handed to his girlfriend.

'What's this?'

'Open it and see.' Cautiously she opened the envelope and pulled out a couple of sheets of paper. The top of which said CHANGE OF DETAILS FORM HOLBY HR DEPARTMENT. Upon closer inspection she saw that all her details had been entered, and for her new address Linden's had been entered. She was confused.

'I've been thinking about asking you for a while, but I just didn't know how. And I know that this is not the most romantic way to go about this but I thought the time was right you don't have to say yes but I just want you to consider it'

'Linden consider what. You actually haven't asked me anything.'

'Oh sorry, I just got a bit carried away. What I meant to say was will you move in with me?'

Maddie couldn't help a little giggle escape. Linden was right it was not the most romantic gesture in the world, but I a way it was so totally Linden and she loved it and him.

'Well it all depends on if you have a spare set of keys for me.'

The Irish doctor's reply was to hold up a set of keys complete with a key ring with Maddie on it. Her only response was to jump into his arms give him a peck on the lips, whispering 'Yes' in his ear.

'Come on we better get some work done, good job it's quite.'

Maybe the day wouldn't be so bad after all thought Maddie as they left the office with large grins on their faces.

'You do know that this means that we'll never get to be late again.'

'Oh I wouldn't count on it. I'm certain we are gonna be late some days, but let's just say it will be for more enjoyable reasons. With a chuckle she was gone to see the patient in bed 3, with unexplained stomach pain.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I'm sorry, I've done what I usually hate. I said when I started posting that I wouldn't until I had over 3 quarters typed up, and well that kinda fell through. But here is the next chapter and I hope that I will be much quicker in updating. Thank you for reading and to DinoArse for her kind review. **

Later that night, while in her rightful place, curled into Linden's side as he slept. His arms wrapped gently, though possessively around her waist, she thought back to how they had come to this point. Linden had been at Holby for over a year now. At first she thought he was cold and unfeeling to others but respected him for his skills as a doctor and a surgeon. As time progressed they became acquainted and then friends. It all started about 12 months ago.

_**Flashback.**_

It had been a hard day in AAU, a major RTC had been brought in and very few survived. It had been a horrible day for all, but for Linden Cullen it was just a tragic end to an already horrible week. All week he had been grumpy, sullen and even more withdrawn into himself. Many of the staff noticed this change -it was kind of hard not to – but just ignored it and prayed that it would pass before it affected themselves. Maddie however hated to see her friend so and vowed to do something about it.

At the end of the shift she walked straight into the office, to many it would look like her was engrossed in paperwork, but Maddie knew this wasn't the case as his eyes where unfocussed and the fact that the piece of paper he was reading was upside down, was kind of a giveaway.

Softly she moved further into the room. Saved the open document on his computer and shut it down. Then picked up his bag and his coat, and only then did she move towards the figure, and remove the paper from his hand. Shocked he looked up and gave Maddie a confused look.

'Come on, I'm taking you for a drink.' Linden started to protest but with quickly interrupted, 'No I'm not taking no for an answer. I know a nice quiet pub and I'm not leaving without you because we both know what will happen. You will sit here pretending to do work trying to ignore what has been going round your head, then you will fall asleep at your desk, just like you have for the past 5 nights. So come on grab your coat.'

Knowing that there was no use fighting her and deep down her really didn't want to be alone again tonight so he stood up and followed her out of the hospital.

'Why don't you find a seat, I'll get the drinks' Linden did as he was told and soon Maddie returned with a bottle of red wine and a couple of glasses. Once settled he reache out to take the bottle form her full arms.

'No not yet this is for later, first we have to drink these.' Linden who was expecting shots or something like that, so he was pleasantly surprised when the barman appeared beside the doctor's hands full with 2 large cups of hot chocolate topped with whipped creams, marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles.

At Linden's confuses look Maddie couldn't help but chuckle before she went on to explain. 'It's what I have when I need cheering up, and well no offense but you look like you need it so, well drink up and then we can hit the hard stuff.'

Still confused and not having drunk hot chocolate in years, Linden picked up his cup and put it to his lips. He had it admit the feeling of the warm liquid going down his throat into his stomach, did in fact make him feel better. So he drank again. They carried on in silence, eventually Maddie opened the conversation.

'I'm not gonna press you, to tell me anything, that's up to you, but I just want to make sure you're alright something has upset you this week, and well 'm here if you need anything.'

Pause. 'You can't help, no-one can, although I suppose having someone to talk to might help.' He took a deep breath before continuing. 'I am ... was married , her name was Olivia we met at university, she was studying for her journalism degree. We met through friends as most people do, and I loved her with all my heart. Still do. WE had so much in common same likes dislikes she made me laugh so much I can ever remember a time when laughed so much. When she finished her degree I still had about 3 years left, but I was on placements so the night she graduated I proposed. Incredibly she said yes. It was amazing, and 6 months to the day we got married. It was the happiest day of my life. Everything was great, I hope it would never end we never seemed to leave the honeymoon period. It was well great there is no other way of describing it. Then a couple of years later, I qualified, and Olivia gave me the news that he was pregnant, we had a little girl, Holly her name is.'

Linden stopped, to a large swig of his wine.' You don't have to carry on you know.'

'No I need to, I need to tell someone. Just give me a sec.' her only reply was a nod.

'Five years ago today we had taken Holly to see a distant relative. She was coming up to two years old and had never seen this particular aunt, we had the weekend off, so we couldn't really get out of it.' Again Linden had to stop, his emotions understandably got the better of him.

'We... we had to cut our trip short, Holly wasn't feeling too well, it was nothing bad just a bit of a sniffle and we thought that it would be best to go home, as she was being fussy.' Taking another swig of wine and a deep breath he started again.

'It was late we were both tired and just wanted to get home. Holly suggested that she drive as she had napped earlier I said no she didn't usually drive such long distances, she didn't like it. We were driving down the motorway, and then.. I just don't know what happened. I ..I woke up and we were on our side. We had been hit side on. Olivia's door was just mangled. She was trapped, and there...there was just so much blood. I tried I tried so hard to revive her, but my mind just went blank. There was nothing I could do. She...she died in my arms. I held her as she took her last breath. Even then she was trying to take care of me. She told me that it wasn't my fault and I was just my time to go to God's side. She told me that she loved me and to..To take care of Holly. And then she just kissed me and..And she was gone the love of my life just gone. '

Linden was now openly sobbing, the floodgates had opened both literally and figuratively, now he had started he wasn't gonna stop, he had to get the rest out. 'Everything from then on was just a blur, I had no idea what happened. It was a couple of days before I even started to register anything. I just sat there crying and holding Holly. I wouldn't let anyone take her from me. No one was gonna take my baby from me either, I lost my wife I was not going to lose my daughter as well. Holly our beautiful baby Holly she survived, her car seat had saved her from most of the impact, but she he hit her head and the damage was enough to give her brain damage. She suffers from some learning difficulties not as serious as they could have been. She's 7 now. '

'I couldn't cope; I just lived in a state of shock. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. And Holly suffered for it. After a couple of weeks, Olivia's parents took her. I couldn't look after her. I failed; I promised them both that I would take care of Holly. And I broke..The last promise I made to Olivia and I failed them both. I mean it's my fault that she died. It's my fault we crashed. If we just stopped and slept, or if I just let Olivia drive when she asked. I...I killed my wife and abandoned my baby. '

At this the Irish doctor broke down. Maddie was suddenly very happy that Linden had chosen seats that were quite tucked away, the last thing the older doctor needed was people gawping at him. He always tried so hard to keep his emotions in check, and seeing him like this, tears silently running down his cheeks she couldn't help but this that she would do anything in the world to make him hurt less.

Sliding round the booth, she drew her distressed friend into her embrace. Cradling him to her, she tried to sooth him. By whispering random things in his ear, and slowly stroking his arm and back. Gradually he began to calm down. He was still crying, but no longer was he trembling with his sobs.

'Linden.' No response. 'Linden.' Silence. Lifting his face so that he could see her. 'Linden look at me, ok. Now I'm going to ask you something, but I'm not doing it to hurt you ok. Got it? Ok so there must have been an investigation what did the police report say?' Maddie couldn't believe that she was asking this, she knew she sounded could hearted, but she couldn't just help think that this was important.

'It.. It said that it was an accident, that the road was slippery and that we just skidded, as did the other car at the same time. But I know that if I just wasn't so tired, then I would have been able to steer out of it. I could have stopped it.'

'Linden, listen to me ok. By the sounds of it there was nothing you could do, it wasn't your fault. I know it's hard to believe and that there will always be what ifs: What if I wasn't driving?, what if I took a different road? What if when I was 17 I didn't learn to drive? You can keep living on what ifs. It's hard to believe, but sometimes accidents do happen. We see it every day and it's tragic that these things happen. It was not your fault. I know you need to blame someone trust me I understand more than you could possibly know. But, and please forgive me for saying this, but maybe you should spend today celebrating her life, rather than mourning her death. So. Why don't you tell me about her. She sounds like an amazing woman.'

And that is how the evening progressed, with many more bottles of wine, a listening ear and a man with years of bottled memories.

_**End Flashback**_

Maddie couldn't help but sigh at the memory. It was a weird way to start a relationship that was for certain. And unfortunately Maddie sometimes felt that the spectra of Olivia hung over their relationship. She understood that Linden was married before and that she would always hold a special place in his heart, and that she may be second best. That she accepted, and she didn't question. But it was the feeling that occasionally he's comparing her to Olivia that was just painful. She wasn't her and she could never be, and although he's made amazing steps in his mourning and no longer blames himself, she couldn't help but wonder if she was just a delayed rebound, and that one day he will realise that she is not his dead wife, and leave her; heartbroken and hurt.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, ok here's the final chapter of this story, sorry it's been years since I've updated but apart from my exams I have finished Uni so I have the time to do this finally. If anyone's still reading I thank you. **

**Oh I got a review saying I've spelt Maddie's name the wrong way, if that is true then I apologise, I did look and see but there seemed to be some confusion as to the correct way. I may go back and change it at a later date, when I have the time. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, it is very much appreciated.**

**Again I don't own anything.**

**Chapter 3 **

Trying to get off that well frankly depressing thought, I mean he's just asked her to move in she should be happy, surely that shows some signs of commitment, doesn't it. OK stop, just stop. Think about something else. Well considering I seem to be in a reflective mood, how about the next step in our relationship.

_**Flashback**_

It had been a hard day at work, well for her anyway. And actually come to think of it a lot of their relationship's big moments had happened after a hard day for work. Not really sure what that means exactly, is that a good thing or a bad thing. I mean it shows that we can get though the bad things but shouldn't... no I said stop thinking about that. Ok so anyway let's get back on track. It was basically a normal day in AAU, we was waiting for a patient to be transferred from the ED. Drugs overdose who needs observing also has suspect bruising. Nothing major, well you know what I mean to the patients it's a bit of a big deal, but we see about 3 a week so yeah. We just had to observe and wait for a couple of consults.

It wasn't long before she came up. And Linden asked me to get a name out if her, it was kind of important. So I walked over and pulled back the curtain. Once glance at the battered, emancipated figure on the bed, and I knew I didn't even need to open my mouth to get her name.

'Sammie, Oh Sammie what has he done to you? '

The figure turned to her. She squinted through her swollen right eye. 'Who are you?' Nice to see that the attitude hadn't changed, NOT. Where on earth did that sweet innocent little girl go?

'Sammie, it's me Maddie.'

'What are you doing here?'

'I work here.'

'Well you can just leave, I don't want you here.'

'Sammie, listen to me please. Did he do this to you?'

'It's none of your business. And at least he didn't abandon me, at least he loves me'

'Sammie I didn't abandon you. I needed to get you away from him don't you see. I needed to stop him. I didn't want him to do this to you. ' Maddie couldn't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks.

'No you left me, he's there for me.'

'NO, he's not there for you. He treats you like a punching bag, nothing more.'

'Just go. You've left me before you pretty good at it if I can recall.'

'Sammie please' she begged.

'No just leave me alone, I hate you and I don't need you, I've never needed you.' The pure venom in her voice was the final straw. Maddie couldn't help it she ran from the curtained bed, trying desperately trying to hide her tears as she ran to the nearest bathroom.

However, she didn't even make it past the admin desk before Linden had called to her. Trying to compose herself she turned towards her boss praying that this would be quick so she could escape without breaking down entirely.

'Hey Maddie, did you get that patients name?'

'Umm.. yeah it's Samantha, Samantha Young.'

'That's great Maddie, well done, downstairs couldn't even get her to talk. See as you've got a kind of rapport with her, do you think you could talk to her it's just that social services can't get here for another hour or so.'

'I can't sorry I just can't.'

'What Maddie, what's going on?'

'Linden, please I just can't' and with that she ran off and completed her trip to the staff bathroom, where she promptly broke down, memories returning unbidden from where she trapped them oh so long ago.

When she eventually remerged from the bathroom a good while later, the young doctor threw herself into her work, but it didn't help. Everyone both staff and patients alike noticed her lack of focus and the fact that she looked close to tears. The worst of it however was when Sammie went past her on her way up to Keller for surgery; she looked straight through her as if she didn't even exist. At that Maddie couldn't help but break down right there in the middle of the ward. So much so that Linden had to guide her into the office, where he promptly wrapped his arms around here and drew her onto the sofa, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. All the while trying to calm her.

He didn't leave her or the office for over an hour and that was only due to the fact that a critical patient had just been brought in. When he left she was just staring and the wall, deep in thoughts, tears still running, he doubted she even knew that he was there. And that was how he found her when he returned back to the office at the end of the shift.

'Come on, grab your coat. I'm taking you for a drink.'

'Linden, please I know you mean well. But I just want to go home.' The senior doctor was going to protest but quickly realise that a few weeks ago what he needed was alcohol and a friendly ear. But what Maddie needed was a quite night in with a friend. 'OK but you're not getting rid of me that easily. We're gonna make a quick stop at mine if that's alright; I have a bottle of wine in the fridge, the number of a great Chinese and your favourite film on DVD.'

Maddie couldn't help but crack a watery smile. 'That sounds perfect. And since when do you have it on DVD, you hate that film.'

'Since I saw it on sale a couple of days ago, and I remembered you saying that you lost yours.'

'Ahh thank you.'

'Now come on, I think we should get out of here. We've both had enough of this place for one day.' And they left the hospital side by side.

Unlocking her front door, half an hour later the young doctor ushered her friend and boss into her flat. She has been awfully quiet on the way home, and it pained Linden more than he would like to admit, he hated seeing his friend looking so despondent. Whoever that girl was earlier has clearly upset Maddie and all he could think about was trying to make it better, to make her laugh, smile, to forget about today.

'Make yourself comfy, I'm just going to.. Well you know.' And with that a somewhat embarrassed Maddie made her way to the bathroom.

'I'll just order dinner, is the usual ok?' called Linden. He got a shout in reply.

A few minutes later Maddie returned to the sitting room, having changed into some more comfortable clothes, finding her boss sitting comfortably at on her sofa looking perfectly at home; 2 glasses of wine and 2 mugs sitting on the table in front of him.

'Hey what's that.'

'Hot chocolate with squirty cream and marshmallows.' Maddie couldn't help but smile at her friend, and she also couldn't help but think that she wouldn't mind being more than his friend. It was a brief though that somehow managed to permeate the dense fog of grief that had been clouding her mind since the re-introduction of Sammie into her life.

She knew he wanted to know what today was about, and that he deserved to know as both a friend and her boss and so with a large gulp of the warm, comforting chocolate accompanied by a large sigh, she began.

'Sammi, sorry Samantha, is my baby sister. She is 3 years younger than me, and as you can tell we don't get on, she hates my guts to be precise. When we were younger things were pretty normal, mum worked in a clothes shop, and dad was an electrician nothing special really.

Then one day when I was 9 and Sammi was 6 my dad lost his job, you see my dad he like a drink. He was caught drink driving and lost his licence, without his licence he couldn't work. Things were alright for a while, mum got another job as a cleaner, but then dad started to drink more and more. He was an alcoholic, that much was obvious.

A few months later, Mum had enough and she left, I don't blame her really, but still it left me with my sister and my dad. I started doing just about everything, Mum sent me money that dad didn't know about, so I was able to get food and things. Dad was on benefits, and that was just about enough to cover the drink. We survived just, then Dad had his benefits cut, which he didn't take so well, without enough money to buy his drink, well he started to become violent.'

Maddie who up to this point had kept a calm detached composure, was starting to crack, and her tears escaped her eyes, the fear in them obvious as she remembered her past. Twice she tried to speak but the tears prevented. She was gripping the now empty mug with such strength it was amazing it hadn't cracked yet.

Gently, Linden pried the mug out of her hands, and then pulled the sobbing Maddie into his arms and a loving embrace. This for some reason only seemed to increase the sobs, and many minutes passed of silent comfort and gentle touches until Maddie felt able to begin again.

'He, he used to just hit me, said that it was punishment from hiding the booze from him. At first it was just ever once in a while, then it increased until it was every day, many many times over. I suppose I was lucky, he didn't do too much damage, mainly just a few bruises and a couple of broken bones.

No-one knew, I soon learnt how to cover up the marks and even how to splint my limbs, so that no-one would notice, but still be useful. He never hurt Sammi, I wouldn't let him. If he was angry, I would tell her that we were going to plan hid and seek; she would always hide in the cupboard under the stairs. Once he was finished and passed out then I'll go and get her.

One day I had popped to the shops, just for a minute, I thought it would be fine, Dad was passed out, and Sammi was in the garden playing with her dolls. I thought it would be alright, but when I came back I looked out into the garden and saw Dad there standing over Sammi with his hand raised. That was it. I ran into the garden, picked Sammi up, and run back into the house, locking all the doors behind me. I packed a couple of bags of clothes food and toys, and then I ran, taking Sammi with me.

I was so angry, I didn't really think about what I was doing. The image of him going to hit my sister was just running around my mind. The next thing I knew I was at the police station, and had told them everything'

Her voice was still choked and there were unshed tears in her eyes, but for somereason now that she started she felt the need to tell Linden everything. That for some reason he needed to know. That thought was the only thing giving her the power to carry on, that and his constant presence, along with the gentle caresses that he was giving her back and arms as he held her tightly in his arms.

The Irish doctor appeared calm on the outside but inside he was seething. For his Maddie (wait, **HIS**, Maddie, where did that come from, oh worry about that later) to have been put through all that and at such a young age all that pain and heartbreak, she didn't deserve it, no-one does.

By now Maddie had given up trying to hold it in and had given in to the heart wrenching sobs that has been trying to break free since this afternoon. The sobs racked her whole body, causing her body to shake, the painful memories filling her whole body. Soon enough her lithe body couldn't handle the pressure and she had to force herself to calm down before she hyperventilated. Gradually she managed to calm herself, although an uncontrollable tremor still shook her body.

She was shaking so much that eventually the only way Linden was able to calm her down was to pull her onto his lap and secured his arms around her. The young doctor curled up on his chest and carried on crying, sobbing into his shirt, all the while gripping onto it for dear life.

When she finally felt calm enough to speak again, her voice soft, whispering almost but laced with tears and a hoarseness to her voice.

'We went into care, I thought it would be better now but... but she didn't believe me. I had shielded her from dad, so she didn't believe me. She said I was lying, that I was just like Mum, and that she hated me. My own sister hated me.'

Again she burst into floods of tears, a fit of crying that she was not able to recover from, that was it for the night.

**End of flashback**

Well, Maddie thought that didn't help with the depressing thoughts at all. Even now her sister was a sore subject. Linden had helped her a lot; she had told him everything, the end of the story and lots more beside. He helped to put some of the demons to bed but not all of them.

It seems like that is something we both have in common, we both have our pasts that cannot be fully put to bed, and whether because it's something that is impossible to forget or someone that shouldn't be forgotten, we help each other deal with those pasts, and yes it's not all plain sailing. Linden still feels guilty about moving on, some days more than others, and I still have trouble with my childhood, but those things have actually helped to make our relationship stronger.

With that thought Maddie snuggled back down, in Linden's arms knowing that that is where she belonged, and all the previously depressing thoughts left her mind, as she drifted off to sleep.

**AN: Hey, well that's it, sorry it's taken me so long to finish this**, **and it's not the ending I originally planned, but even with my pages of notes on this story, I can't actually remember where it was heading, hence the somewhat swift ending. Well I hope it was alright. Thanks for reading. **


End file.
